wow... tim broke up w/ jenna... again... this is bad.. i mean... she kind of saw it coming and she kept saying "it's too good to be true" but i really thought they would stay together this time... i feel sooo bad... like you have no idea... jenna said she's in love with tim... and i asked tim a while ago if he was in love with jenna... and he said "yes" but i don't understand y he would break up w/ her if he was in love with her... i get the feeling it has something to do with shannon... someone who tim thinks is hot... but maybe he just wants sex from her.. not sure.. i havn't really talked to tim in a while... i wanna talk to him to see y he dumped jenna... but i know wut he's gonna say... "because i don't like her anymore" and that wont help at all... i just hope jenna takes this whole situation well... i hope she doesn't do anything stupid... cuz gowd.. i love that girl... the only thing honestly... that is wrong with jenna... is she doesn't have a high self-esteem... tim didn't help that much either... cuz last time he broke up w/ her... she thought it was because she was ugly... but she's not... that girl has been through so much shit in her life.. it's unbelievable.. and i don't even know half of it... jenna will get what she deserves... believe me... she deserves a lot of things...she might not get them all... but she will get something she deserves... i just hope i'll be there to witness it... lol... i hope she'll be one of my good friends for a long time...

Jenna if you ever read this... YOU ARE B.E.A.UTIFUL!!! inside and out!

xoxo- Me :?

hey todays my birthday! woo hoo! i'm fourteen... lol... tonight im going to sleep at treys and jon and everyone are having a little party... my sister's in labor with the baby on my birthday.. that would be pretty cool if she has it on my birthday.. or even tomorrow... i'm excited for my nephew to be born... i'm gonna fly really high tonight! cuz i'm getting f*****ed on my birthday! (not sexually) haha... but newayz... i'm chillin w/ chrissy and kenny right now.. i don't think i mentioned kenny.. ya he moved her about 4 months ago... me, Re, Chris, and him are really close... ya.. i'm friends with Re again... i figured out that she wasn't a lez... i feel bad for even thinking that.. but owe well... them three made me a HUGE card for my birthday.. it's awesome... chrissy's handprints look like she was holding a dick in her hand.. she has six fingers haha... chrissy got me some presents for my birthday... i appreciate them too... mom and i are getting along now... i have more respect for her... i'm actually getting really close to her again... and peter (my step dad) is being nice... no one has been fighting at all.. my mom even made me and my twin sister (courtney) breakfast this morning before skool... it was soo yummi.. haha... speaking of courtney... she is getting so gorgous... i mean.. she use to not care wut she looked liked and just threw her hair up and stuff.. but her hair grew longer and she puts on makeup now and she got boobs! :) she's really turning out to be gorgous... once high school comes around.... she's gonna be a knock out!... i swear... but i guess im gonna go... i'll write soon!

xoxo- Me :)

hey.. nothing new... just the same old life... omg.. you would never believe wut i did last weekend... it was AWESOME! i loved it haha... me, brenden, dez( one of my best friends) jay, and ashley poked some smot in a car.. and we clam baked it WICKED! it was soo cloudy.. it was as thick as a shirt... no exaggeration.. then jay was speeding and i was flying soo fucking high.. i was freaking out... lol.. i don't like tim anymore.. and i never will again.. he's just too immature... i never really did "like him" either.. i just thought he was hott... i liked him better (as a friend) when he was dating jenna... cuz he was so happy... but he broke up w/ her cuz she lived too far away... i wish they were going out still.. but wuts really messed.. is someone said that i had sex w/ tim.. and that is a lie.. i don't plan on having sex and i wouldn't do that to jenna... jenna don't like me anymore i don't think because of it... she asked me if it was true and i said no.. but i dont think she believed me... but she can believe wut she wants.. i just hope she don't hate me... she's a really good friend.. i felt like i could tell her anything and i wasn't even close w/ her.. amy and i are friends again... but she told tash that she's "closer with chrissy than me" or at least that's wut tash said... but that kind of bugged me... idn... she's still a wicked good friend whether or not she thinks it or not... but ya... my birthday is tomorrow.. i can't wait.. ima be 14 years old! gowd did time fly or wut?... but i g2g... i hope i make it to 15 haha

xoxo- Me :)

hey... havn't written in a while actually... it's vkation and i've pretty much been in somersworth w/ tim, dez, chrissy, jon, and mike. I've been having a lot of fun too... we sing on the kareoke machine, dance, and do oda shit... i love these ppl... i really do... i wouldn't want any of them to change... chrissy and jon are going out again.. or still... they broke up at one point.. i'm not sure if i already mentioned that tho... but he's soo good to her... im still single.. and honestly.. i like it.. i mean.. your not controlled and you have your freedom.. but i would still like someone to be there and who's "mine" if you know wut i mean... shit went down w/ my mom... and drugs... but it's all better now... i havn't talked to my friend justin in a while... but i cut myself and he noticed.. and i didn't do it for attention or anything... i did it honeslty to watch myself bleed... but he supported me with all the shit... i didn't want to make him a part of my shitty-chapter of life.. but he was there.. gowd i love that kid... chrissy was there for me too... amy and i are still fighting.. i actually just got done reading her blog.. she said something about "we'll never be friends anymore" but right now... i could care less... honeslty.. i mean i love the girl and my arms will always be open for her... so im just leaving it up to her.. i kind of took advantage of her.. not like "sexually" haha... like i treated her like shit at one point.. i feel guilty about it.. but it's her choice... ya know?... but i got oda friends that are here for me.. and i just wanted her to know that i'm always here for her even if we're not considered friends.. i still stick up for her and shit too.. cuz she don't deserve the shit she gets from other immatrue, misunderstanding, ppl... so ya.. but newayz.. i think i'm gonna go cuz i have nothing more to say.. as of right now.. i'll write soon.. if i can...

xoxo- Me :?

i'm chillin' in somersworth right now... w/ dezi, chrissy, nick, (were at nick's house) mike, corey, tim and jenna. i juss met jenna tonight and she's madd chill... but amy described her personality WAY different than she is... but i like her... im glad i met her... and shes one TOUCH BITCH... corey and her were playing the fucking slapping the bandanas to eachother game... and she fucking lef t a HUGE ass welt on the side of his face haha... it was great... she kicks ass...also, dez, trey, chrissy, mike, and me flew today... and it was HILARIOUS... i mean dez was dancing to the music and shit... and i was like "go dezi, go dezi" but idn.. you juss would of had to been there... it was hilarious... haha... biff(dez's little sister) is still stealing from ppl... but she's getting better... the only thing she needs to work on is listening to her authority figures... and she'ld be set... and everyone wouldn't have a problem w/ her... but owe well... she's digging her own grave... biff also told amy and me and dez were talking shit about her... but that wasnt it... we were talking over wut we've ever said "behind eachother's backs" and wut we've said around other ppl's backs... and her name got brought up and all dez said was... "she's stuck up around guys" and all i said was "she's stuck up when she don't get her way w/ her parents because she used to be spoiled" but it wasn't even meant to be a mean or rude comment... i was juss saying that that's all i've said behind her back... i don't know if she believes me or not... but i hope she does... justin and i are getting along now... i mean... we were never not getting along... but we juss didn't talk as much as we use to... but now we're opening up to eachother more... (as friends) he's w/ sophia... and honestly... i think they make a better couple than any other girls he's liked or gone out w/ becuase sophias nice, pretty, and she don't talk shit, as in she ain't 2 faced. (or at least i havn't heard her) and that's perfect for justin... so i'm happy for justin and sophia... and i'm also happy for tim and jenna cuz just by meeting her tonight... they have a lot in common and i hope they stay together for a while... amy told tim and jenna that i was "jealous" and everyone else that i was jealous... but i aint' cuz jenna's 16... tim's turning 18 april 2nd... and they're cute together too... plus... i've got a longer time to date guys than she does... she's almost a legal adult... and i'm still a "baby teen" haha... but i'm out...

xoxo- Me :)

im a very confused girl... seriously... i juss realized that im growing up too fast... i'm so worried about growing up and wut i'll be like in the future... that i'm not looking at what's in front of me... yet taking it all for grantite... i need to slow down... i really do... but i don't know how to...

xoxo- Me

(to be continued) 

this def. doesn't seem fair... i feel so horrible... tim and i broke up and i know we weren't going out for that long... cuz of our age.. but i still like him... and amy introduced her friend, jenna, to him... and now they're gonna hook up... that's bullshit... i don't know jenna, i've only talked to her online... but still... i know what i'm feeling is jealousy... and i shouldn't care if they hook up... but the thing i'm pissed about... is amy introduced them... and then i asked her if the "tim" in jennas' pro for aim was our tim.. and she said "no" and that was a lie. i shouldn't care... but amy knows i still like him... and jenna should too... it juss pisses me off...idn... i feel like shit newayz today.. and i can't even type.. my fingers are all shaky.. so im out.. leave some advice for the young soul...

xoxo- Me :x

I feel disrespected...why is because... ok.... i guess i give up on tim... not that i was trying hard or anything... cuz i wasn't the one chasing him... he was chasing me... cuz i knew he liked me... but he didnt know that i liked him... but newayz... we went out... and then i found out he was 17 years old and he found out that i was 13... the reason we found out after we were already going out... is because the age topic didn't really come up at all... but the wierd thing is... is that i was planningon breaking up w/ him the day after we went out... which was also the day i found out his age... and then i went to amys house... and she's like "tim wants to break up w/ you... it's not because he doesn't like you.. cuz he likes you a lot... but it's juss the age..." after she told me that... i felt better cuz now i didn't have to break up w/ him... but i also felt disrespected... because he didn'thave the guts to tell me this to my face or call me up... so i had this weird feeling... idn... it isn't that big... but for a while... im gonna give up on guys... i juss idn... every time i like someone... it turns out all messed up... and i don't want to get too attatched to some one again... at such a young age... but the reason why i did crave a boyfriend... is so i wouldn't some attatched to Justin again... but ya...

xoxo-Me

ok... after that note... i kind of do like tim... but it's weird...i guess when your as young as me... your priorities cahnge when you're in need of something... i guess i just didn't realize that until now... but it's weird... back to that whole justin thing... i havn't really been talking to him lately... i mean... i havn't totally ignored him.. but i just havn't been showing him that i am interested in him anymore... and it's weird... because now... it's like he wants me more... but all i can think of for an explanation.. is people always want what they can't get... orwhat they can't get... is what they want... but now that he is showing some interest in me... i kind of don't want him... cuz i like tim now.. cuz tim's a little older than me.. and he's not immature... he' handles situations very maturely and his number one pripority isn't "to get sex." it's to have a relationship... and that's kindof what i want right now...

xoxo- Me :)

omg... amy (best friend) just wrote me a note... we went over dez's house yesterday... owe ya... dez and i are cool now... but newayz... this is wut it says... it's about tim...

"omg... i feel like shit... lol... i think i'm all valentined out... yesterday was fun tho... minus not having a bf, this was the best v.day i've had! Plus, i had like 20 calentine loves instead of just one! PIMP! lol. my legs are soft, hahah "not so natural" (inside joke) I really do like JOhn, (john is dez's brother) dezi asked me last night if i liked him, and i'm like, um... ya. lol. she's like oh.... chrissy liked him for the longest time, but she gave up. But the only problem is kayla... jon's girlfriend... chrissy gave up on john because of kayla and because of dwight, her new bf. so i guess i'll prolly end up giving up too. but on the up side, now you and time can be together. lol. i gave him the "i'll killyou if you hurt her" talk and i honestly thin he'd be good for you. he hasn't even been flirting w/ any girls cuz he only wants 2 be w/ you, and i was talking to him about the whole "sexual relationship" thing and he as like yeah, i'm cool w/o the sex, i would never rpush her. plus, i told him that i would kill him w/ a fork if he did push you! (another inside joke) haha. but i honeslty have no feelings for him but jus friends. you 2 are awesome together! he wanted me 2 talk to you about when or weather he should ask you out.

wooohoooo!!!! wish me luck!!!~

xoxo- Me :)

Wow... idn... this whole "boyfriend" thing is kinda wierd... this may sound stupid at this point... i mean when i look back at this tblog... i might say to myself... "wow... wut the hell was i thinking?"... but right now this is how i feel... i'm only thirteen and this whole thing is fucked up... not to be like "braggin'" but a lot of guys wanna date me.. and i'm still going out with dwight... but i don't like him anymore... andi'm attracted to some of the guys that like me... but i just feel like i'm too young to have a relationship at this point because even though we're young... a lot of guys want to have a "sexual" relationship... and i just don't feel comfortable with that kind of relationship... i might sound crazy... but i'm really not... another reason why i don't feel "comfortable" going out is because most of the guys that like me... are some of my best friends... and it would just suck if i had a relationship and then we broke up.. cuz i know that we would never be as close as we were before... and my guy friends... they come to me and tell me EVERYTHING... i mean.. from who they like... to all there family shit.. and i don't wanna lose that realtionship with ANY of them... cuz it kind of feels good to know that... out of all the girls they can come to... they come to me... most of them say it's because they can get advice from me... and because i don't "reject" anything they say... i don't quite know wut they mean by this... but the best thing that some of them have said to me... is "kelley.. i confide in you..." idn... but that just makes me feel special... and i don't want to do anything... to jeapordize those words...

xoxo Me :?

Me and Dwight are still going steady...everything over X-mas was good... he got me something... and i got him something... and i got a lot of shit from family. So i had a good holiday. Paige isn't madd at me anymore... or i don't think she is... cuz i kind of did "steal him" in a way... i hung out w/ Dwight soo much over X-mas vakation. Chrissy went out with Jeremy... but then ended up breaking up with him like Thursday. Jeremy was wicked wicked pissed and ran all the way from his house... to WentworthDouglas hospital... which is like 5 miles. He liked her sooo much... like you have no idea... but chrissy's kind of a boyfriend slut... i mean she even admitted it... she really has a hard time coping with relationship at her age with all the shit that she's been through... but i don't think that she realizes that when she breaks up and goes 0ut with so many different guys... then it hurts them sometimes... it really does... Dwight and i had our first kiss too... omg... he is sooo good at kissing... after our first time... we couldn't stop... but idn about him... i mean... when i liked justin... everytime i saw him... i would get all fluttery and shit inside... but when i see Dwight... i try to avoid him in a way... idn... maybe i'm just embarrassed cuz everyone calls him a flamer... even though he isn't!!!! But about the bad hair day thing... I'm in skool right now... and we just got back from X-mas vakation... and Mr. Wons... the wellness teacher is letting me write haha... but Dwight came to skool today... and O MY FUCKING GOWD!!! his hair is BLEACH ORANGE!!! It looks HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!! the hair dresser messed up cuz he was just supposed to get tips... but ya... they came out bad so she just died the whole thing... HOPEFULLY... he will get it fixed... im hoping... im not gonna dump him cuz of his hair tho..... that's wut ppl are saying... and that would just be too mean... cuz i really do like him... i just don't know y i keep avoiding him when i'm in skool... i think i'm just "embarrassed"... im not sure tho... i hoping that's all it is...

xoxo- Me :oops:

Today was the day you made me see
What a liar you are, and how you never loved me.
You led me on, confusing my love
And here I thought you were sent from above.

You never really listened, though you said you cared
But you always comforted me when I was hurt or scared.
Never wanted me to know how you really felt,
You said many things to make me melt.

My heart belonged to you before I smartened up,
Your love for me was only a bluff.
You tampered with my emotions and broke my heart.
I now have nowhere to go, and don't have a clue where to start.

For the ones who betrayed me I'll never look back...
I never shed pitty and that's a fact.
You can never trust anyone- except yourself,
Too bad for the good guys who need much help.

You've changed my life in many ways...
Now I know what it feels like to be betrayed.
I trusted you more than my best friend...
Yet, you screwed me over in the end.

I hope you're happy now that I'm gone
But I'll get you one day...  I'll come on strong.
You will be sorry for what you've done...
Breaking my heart for number one...

There's much more to pay for,
I love revenge...
You'll get what's coming to you
...In the end.

xoxo~ Me...

wow... i never thought i would stop thinking about justin... but this new kid Dwight... is so much of a better person than justin... as far as it comes to being kind to me... but i think i told you how he was going out w/ paige... but he broke up w/ her... and now he likes me... he's such a cutie... i like him... last night when i was at amys... we were talking to him on the phone... and he... well amy... asked me out for him... but i didn't answer because since he just broke up w/ paige... i want to be "together" with him... but not "going out" if you know wut i mean... cuz then paige will get all pissy and shit will fly... but newayz... today... we went to the movies... it was me, amy, dwight, and jeremy... (jeremy likes amy but she thinks that he's just "ewww") idn tho... and amy got up to go the bathroom and so jeremy asked me if amy liked him... and i was like " umm... idn" cuz i didn't wanna make him feel bad... so i told him that he should try holding her hand or something... and i demonstrated on dwight... and when i went to remove my hand... he held it tight and aww... i felt sooo loved... i mean... ya i know... he just held my hand... but i did feel loved... hehe... cuz i havn't liked neone but justin for a WHILE... and now i feel like so different... cuz i'm actually attracted to someone physical and mentally besides justin... and plus... i can't wait forever for justin... and i think dwight will "be together" with me for a while at least... i just hope i don't get in the same situation i got in w/ justin... that would suck huh?...

xoxo~ Me :lol:

justin and i are doing better... im starting to get ova him tho... like i got to the point where i realized that sometimes... it's better to be someone's friend then to go out w/ someone... but my love for him will still always be there... it's never gonna go away... it's inebidable... but ya... i met this new kid named Dwight... and he is just soo hott... but he's going out w/ one of my friend's, Paige... so i'm guessing i won't have a chance w/ him anytime soon... but temporarily... why i'm trying to not like justin anymore... i want to get attached... well not attached... but i want to like someone else...

xoxo~ Me :)

Everything was going well today... until i went on AIM... i'm guessing this online chat isn't the best thing for me... i mean i love to talk to my friends and all... but someitmes i just find out tings on AIM that i never needed to know... i mean... justin had this written in his profile... ( at the end of my blog)... and when i read it... it just completely shocked me... i mean my ribs literally got crushed into my body and every time i breathe... i can feel them getting more and more crushed... and i go this sudden pain in my heart... almost like a hear burn... i don't even know y... and i'm in such a badd mood now... i believe that it's about kaylee... his "best friend" and i really thought he was getting to like me... again... but i guess not... i mean y i think it's about kaylee... is because she's not developed... and he is her best friend... and they aren't as close as they were... and  i don't know... i guess a while ago when he told me that he didn't like me anymore and that "he never goes back"... i guess he wasn't lieing... so i just can't like him nemore... cuz everytime i get my hopes up... they all get shoved right back down my throat... and like amanda, my sister said, i have strong morals and opinions... so i'm not gonna cry over any guy... especially since i've made it this far... bu i really am struggleing to hold back my tears... it might seem like i'm jumping to conclusions... but if you were me... you would prolly think the same thing...

xoxo~ Me :cry:

i notice how we are spilting and i get scared
But if i was to die, the question rises of would you care?
Because half the time i feel like im a bad man, and i should die
And the other half of the time i just wanna run away and hide
To tell you the truth i used to be all into the physical attraction
Till i noticed you, and from you i got my satisfaction
And allthoguh  other girls are more develope i much rather have you
Because girls ive been with lie, and i feel you would always remain true
I dont mean to sound crazy, but i do hope to regain you
But for my negitive and some what selfish actions i dont blame you
I blame myslef and maybe that is a problem, and it is wrong
But  although you may hate me, the love i have stays strong

well... today... hmmm... how do i describe it?... i laughed... i fooled around... did work in skool... and then i cried at lunch... y did i cry you ask?... because eric is a dickhead... i hate him sooo much... i really do... he told EVERYONE about something that happened to me that's very personal... and i don't even know how he found out... and he was online and was dissing me bad... telling me that i was poor and my mom is a drug addict and that i'm a lowlife and an immature one at that... but that's not the truth... i mean... ya... my family don't have a lot of money... but we're wealthy... i mean... i shop a lot and get a lot of things when i want or need them... but i'm not greedy and i don't like to brag about having money... but he does... and my mom was a drug addict... but that shouldn't be my fault... and it isn't... but justin was comforting me last night when eric said this and today in skool when i was crying... so that was a plus... i mean it does feel good to have someone who you love and care about comfort you in those type of situations... last night i was explaining to justin about wut happened to me... (the thing eric spread) and i was telling him that's y i crave a boyfriend... is because i like to feel protected... and he was like... well you've always got me... and now i know i always got him... and that makes things a whole lot better...

xoxo~ Me :?

hey... today was a pretty good day i guess... the usual happened in skool... i heard ppl gossiping about stupid shit... we were all messing around at lunch... and i had the normal... "hi" conversation with justin... haha... jp... but today at lunch... all the girls... well not the ppl i hang out... were screaming over stupid shit.... it gets kind of annoying... it's like they just want attention from the guys but they really look retarded... but who cares... i don't... newayz... dan mahoney... eric's old best friend who likes me A LOT... invited me to go to the mall with him cuz he wants to get me something... but he said first i had to try it on for him... and he preffers going to Victoria Secrets... but that's kind of creepy... he's not my type... i mean he's nice and all... but no... he's just... ewww... but newayz... i usually write about justin... but i didn't really communicate with him at all today... idn... usually i do... but i guess i just didn't today... well here i go again... so... wut does the world have planned for me tomorrow?... something good?... or maybe bad... i guess i'll just have to wait n' see...

xoxo~ Me. :)

justin is like... awesome... he's the bestest guy friend anyone could ever have... seriously... whenever i tell him anthing... first of all... he takes into to consideration that i'm a girl... so that helps... and he makes me feel much better about the situation that i'm down about... but also... it's kool having him as a friend because he's a guy... he don't gossip as much... he don't worry about the drama... and i can get his perspective on things as a guy... i am kind of sick of having ALL girl friends in a way cuz we are crazy... everyone knows that... lol... but newayz... i'm lucky to have justin as my friend at least... cuz in a way... i really do think he cares somewhat about me... even if it just is as a friend... but idn... let's see wut the future brings upon us...

xoxo~ Me :wink:

eric is so fucking gay... he's always telling me shit like "i'm madly in love with you... " and " i can't live without you" but the weird thing is... he tells it to carmen too... now this girl is like GORGOUS... and the whole time eric and her were going out... he was saying shit to me like " i'll break up w/ her for you cuz i don' t like her at all... " and "her teeth bug me" and i was like" wut does that matter." but he's such a fag... he plays both of us... i just wish he was NEVER EVER EVER EVER born... i really do... he don't care about anybody but himself and having a hott girlfriend to do shit with...

xoxo~ Me :x

omg... i just got done talking to justin... and he read that poem in my profile... and he was shocked... he automatically knew that it was about him... and he didn't know wut to say... i told him that when i look at him, i see things that i never thought i could see before, and i feel things that i never thought i could feel before... and i told him that it hurts me to know that i will never be able to call im mine... and he said that he can't predict the future... and neither can i... i don't know wut that's supposed to mean tho... do you ?

xoxo~ Me  :cry:

hey.... it's me again... i don't get it...i came up with kind of a poem... that i want justin to read... and i broadcasted it in my profile for him because i know he'll read it... but here it is...

you make me feel so loved...
and i do love and care for you...
but i know you don't feel the same way...
your just making me believe that you do...
cuz you want some...
you have to get a grip on reality...
im a human being...
not a doll...
and you are leading me on...
but i'm srry to say...
i am sick of these games...
i'm not telling you striaght up...
cuz i don't have the courage to do that yet...
but it's not a multiple choice game to me...
it might be fore you...
but to me...
this game is true or false...
you either wanna be with me...
true...
or you don't...
false...
now you make the decision...

xoxo~ Me :oops: